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5
I was 37 then, strapped in my seat as the huge 747 plunged through
dense cloud cover on approach to Hamburg airportCold November
rains drenched the earth, lending everything the gloomy air of a
Flemish landscape: the ground crew in waterproofs, a flag atop a squat
airport building, a BMW quilted white bag billboard
Once the plane was on the ground, soft music began to flow from the
ceiling speakers: a sweet orchestral cover version of the Beatles'
"Norwegian Wood"The melody never failed to send a shudder
through me, but this time it hit me harder than ever
I bent forward, my face in my hands to keep my skull from splitting
openBefore long one of the German stewardesses approached and
asked in English if I were sick
"No," I said, "just dizzy
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure
She smiled and left, and the music changed to a Billy Joel tuneI
straightened up and looked out of the window at the dark clouds
hanging over the North Sea, thinking of all I had lost in the course of
my life: times gone for ever, friends who had died or disappeared,
feelings I would never know again
The plane reached the gatePeople began unfastening their seatbelts
and pulling luggage from the overhead cc chanel logo earrings lockers, and all the while I was
in the meadowI could smell the grass, feel the wind on my face, hear
the cries of the birdsAutumn 1969, and soon I would be 20
6
The stewardess came to check on me againThis time she sat next to
me and asked if I was all right
"I'm fine, thanks," I said with a smile"Just feeling kind of blue
"I know what you mean," she said"It happens to me, too, every once
in a while
She stood and gave me a lovely smile"Well, then, have a nice trip
Eighteen years have gone by, and still I can bring back every detail of
that day in the meadowWashed clean of summer's dust by days of
gentle rain, the mountains wore a deep, brilliant greenThe October
breeze set white fronds of head-high grasses swayingOne long streak
of cloud hung pasted across a dome of frozen blueIt almost hurt to
look at that far-off skyA puff of wind swept across the meadow chanel jewellery and
through her hair before it slipped into the woods to rustle branches and
send back snatches of distant barking - a hazy sound that seemed to
reach us from the doorway to another worldWe heard no other
soundsWe met no other peopleWe saw only two bright red birds
leap startled from the center of the meadow and dart into the woods
As we ambled along, Naoko spoke to me of wells
Memory is a funny thingWhen I was in the scene I hardly paid it any
attentionI never stopped to think of it as something that would make
a lasting impression, certainly never imagined that 18 years later I
would recall it in such detailI didn't give a damn about the scenery
that dayI was thinking about myselfI was thinking about the
beautiful girl walking next to meI was thinking about the two of us
together, and then about myself againI was at that age, that time of
life when every sight, every feeling, borse louis vuitton every thought came back, like a
boomerang, to meAnd worse, I was in loveLove with
complicationsScenery was the last thing on my mind
7
Now, though, that meadow scene is the first thing that comes back to
meThe smell of the grass, the faint chill of the wind, the line of the
hills, the barking of a dog: these are the first things, and they come
with absolute clarityI feel as if I can reach out and trace them with a
fingertipAnd yet, as clear as the scene may be, no one is in itNaoko is not there, and neither am IWhere could we have
disappeared to? How could such a thing have happened? Everything
that seemed so important back then - Naoko, and the self I was then,
and the world I had then: where could they have all gone? It's true, I
can't even bring back her face - not straight away, at leastAll I'm left
holding is a background, pure scenery, with no people at the saddle christian dior front